Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
