I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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