The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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