i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
