he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
