she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
