I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
