I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
