Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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