College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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