so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
