My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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