I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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