my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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