he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
