I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
