I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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