we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
