yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I smell stomach acid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
