i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
