May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
