I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
