So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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