I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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