The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
