to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
