Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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