He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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