Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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