You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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