We're facebook friends in real life
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
