Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
