Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
