theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
