When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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