I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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