Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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