Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize