Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
