Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
