i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
