You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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