Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
