I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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