I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
