slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
