i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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