My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
