4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
