Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
