remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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