the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
