I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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