your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
