She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
