Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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