I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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