I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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