You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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