she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This baby is an asshole
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
