she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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