"it" just moved
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
