Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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