And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
