it was like eating out sand paper
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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