Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
