My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
operation have a gay friend backfired
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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