Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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