I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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