Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
