Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
