Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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