thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
