Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
