you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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